There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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