Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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