I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
