so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
