im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
