She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
