i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
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