3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
