New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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