my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
