i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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