it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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