using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
