I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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