thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
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