Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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