I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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