And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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