Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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