He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
