If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
