with your own penis?
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
