Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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