I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
