So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
it's like heaven, but drunker
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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