I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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