Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
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I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
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You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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