He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
