Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
My cat gives me a boner
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
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I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
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I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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