I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
