I'm jealous of your bromance
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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