Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize