if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
