lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
someone owes me an orgasm
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Dicks are not precious.
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