Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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