I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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