She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
