your parents love me but you hate me
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
