He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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