One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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