I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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