matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
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