He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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