He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
