sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
