the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
