My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
It was confusing and full of hummus
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
