shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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