im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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