i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
