I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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