3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
