just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
