I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
What drink are we having for lunch?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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