You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
