wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
