We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
