Pants 0. Shit 1.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
