oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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