Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
