TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Quick, to the slutcave!
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
We just shotgunned beers for America
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
